Dreaming of You

I am a pretty frequent dreamer. When I was younger, I used to write down all my dreams in a journal because I didn't want to forget them. They seemed so vivid and real. As I've gotten older they still are that way, just now a mix of good and bad dreams.

Since my father's passing, I have dreamt about him a lot. Each dream has been different. Sometimes it's a continuation of life, sometimes it's in the past, and sometimes it's this alternate reality where I know he already passed but somehow he's still here. Last night was one of the latter.

It was sometime within this first year of his passing and he came back. We all knew that he was gone and were really confused with his presence. He told us that once a year he would come back and be with us for a day but then he would be gone again. So we made the most of the day, filling him in on what had been happening since he left. When the day came to an end, I went and gathered my brothers and mother so they could say goodbye. His body started to fade like a ghost and I remember feeling so sad that he had to leave, begging him to stay. Then he was gone. The next day I sat down with my mom and her friend reminiscing about the day and they had no idea what I was talking about. They assured me that I had dreamt it all. I tried recounting the day with stories and pictures, but they kept saying "no". With every "no" I sobbed harder and harder as I continued to convince them that it happened. I couldn't have made all this up. He was really here. But apparently he wasn't.

Then I really woke up. This isn't the first inception dream I've had (a dream within a dream), but this definitely was the most emotional. While I was dreaming I felt both the joy and pain of realizing that it was real. I've had mixed emotions about dreaming of my dad. On one hand it is nice to have a place where we both exist together, but on the other hand it sucks to wake up and realize that it's not in this life. There's joy in seeing his face but pain knowing that it's not real.

Until we meet again...

Maple Oatmeal Dump Cookies

* Edited 1/30/12: I made these cookies again and modified it a bit. All the modifications are in RED. They came out more moist and crumbly then the first batch. So the choice is up to you.

I totally just made up that name for these cookies and it doesn't sound too appealing. Well you know that cake, "Dump Cake", where you just toss whatever canned fruits you have in it? Well this is kind of the same idea. I was trying to come up with a healthy treat for Dylan and I and mashed up a couple of recipes to get this. I think they were pretty good for my first time making oatmeal cookies and I had to restrain myself from adding chocolate chips because I usually add chocolate chips into everything I bake. I'm sure I will make some adjustments over time to make them a little healthier like adding grated zucchini or flax seed or protein powder. This go around I just used whatever I had. Hope you try it.

Maple Oatmeal "Dump" Cookies
Yields: 24 cookies

1/2 cup butter, softened (1 stick)
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 cup real maple syrup
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon (pumpkin pie spice)
1 3/4 cup all-purpose flour (1 cup all-purpose flour, 3/4 cup of whole wheat flour)
2 cups old fashioned rolled oats
*1-2 cups of treats
1 cup dried cranberries
1 cup grated carrots
1 cup grated zucchini
1/2 cup sliced almonds
1/2 cup ground flax seed
1/2 cup crushed pistachios


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Beat butter and brown sugar until creamy. Add egg, vanilla, and syrup until well blended.
3. Sift flour, baking soda, salt cinnamon. Gradually add flour mixture until completely blended.
4. Stir in rolled oats and whatever treats you have. I had a bag of trail mix laying around that included dried cranberries, golden raisins, almonds and sunflower seeds.
5. Make cookies and bake for 8-10 minutes.

When Love Came Down to Earth

This has song has become one of my favorite songs. We recently sang it at church alongside a sermon talking about God's love for us. I remember our pastor making the point that Christmas reminds us that God loves us'. Immediately my reaction was, "Not this year". I didn't feel loved and in fact Christmas was a reminder of how much life sucked right now. It was hard to enjoy any Christmas activities like making cookies, watching movies, decorating, listening to Christmas music, etc. But I have come to realize that all of these things that were not enjoyable this year were all superficial things that had nothing to do with Christmas anyways. It was not the most wonderful time of the year and we were not having a holly jolly Christmas. Those things were conditional. But what is true is that a savior was born to bring hope and restore peace between God and us.

Although life doesn't feel merry and bright, I can agree that Christmas is about God's love for us and the joy, peace, hope, and help Christ's birth provides.


"When love came down to earth
And made His home with men,
The hopeless found a hope,
The sinner found a friend.
Not to the powerful
But to the poor He came,
And humble, hungry hearts
Were satisfied again.

What joy, what peace has come to us!
What hope, what help, what love!

When every unclean thought,
And every sinful deed
Was scourged upon His back
And hammered through His feet.
The Innocent is cursed,
The guilty are released;
The punishment of God
On God has brought me peace.

What joy, what peace has come to us!
What hope, what help, what love!

Come lay your heavy load
Down at the Master’s feet;
Your shame will be removed,
Your joy will be complete.
Come crucify your pride,
And enter as a child;
For those who bow down low
He’ll lift up to His side.

What joy, what peace has come to us!
What hope, what help, what love!"

Liam's No Good Very Bad Day

Where to start. Yesterday Liam just fell apart on us. To start off, he woke up at 5:45 am. We know that he as been teething so he's been more fussy than usual. Yesterday was Evan's Birthday so we drove up to my mom's to spend a couple of days with them. When we got to their place it was around Liam's nap time, but he wouldn't go down without a fight. He cried and cried as we tried to put him down. Finally my mom and I just put him down (still crying) and walked out of the room. We just closed the door when we heard a thud followed by more crying. Sure enough, Liam had jumped out of his pack-n-play and hit his head on the floor. I stayed in the room with him for an hour trying to calm him down and put him back to sleep but no avail. So, he just didn't have a nap that day. Later that evening he started getting delirious and was playing on the couch, jumping up and sliding off. Well, that ended with a face plant to floor and a minor bloody nose and busted lip. He wailed and wailed once again for bedtime and we just left him in there. Eventually he stopped crying and fell asleep (waking up a few time). When 2:30 am rolled around and Dylan and I were trading off Felicity duty, Liam woke up screaming with a full on bloody nose. Dylan cleaned him up and put him back to bed. Then again at 6:30 Liam woke up with another bloody nose. He looked like he got in a bar fight.

I wish that was the end of his drama but that just happened in a 24 hour period.

The saga continues.