The Long Awaited Birth Stories

I've been thinking of writing this post for some time, trying to figure out what to say. I actually already wrote Liam's birth story in detail but didn't publish it because I wanted to write Felicity's in the same post. After going back and forth, I decided not to share their full birth stories for a couple of reasons.

First, because I know the temptation for women to compare their stories with each other. I didn't read any when I was pregnant with Liam cause I didn't want to get freaked out, but I did read other stories when I was pregnant with Felicity. I found myself saying, "Please don't let mine be like hers" or "Please let it be just like hers". Guess what, I was disappointed when mine didn't go according to plan and envied everyone that had this perfect birth story. So for everyone's sake, I will share only what I think is beneficial.

Secondly, it is very personal and intimate. I have no problem telling my friends the kid's birth stories, but I didn't want random people or acquaintances knowing every detail. It's the same reason I keep my Instagram private. Not everyone needs to know everything about my life. That's just my opinion. I have enjoyed reading other people blogs and birth stories, but for me, I just had to set boundaries.

Lastly, with my father's passing so soon after Felicity's birth, it is hard for me to think of childbirth without thinking of him. This is why I never got around to writing Felicity's story. The two events are so intertwined that it is still traumatic to relive those days.

What I am going to share is what I think is beneficial for those who are pregnant and coming up with a birth plan. I had two different birth experiences and can share from both sides.

My little boy

Educate Yourself

Read books, take classes, watch videos, talk with people. With Liam, Dylan and I did all the classic birthing classes offered by the hospital. They were helpful when you are starting from square one and don't know anything about babies. However, when it came to books, I found myself reading more about pregnancy then I did about the actual birth experience. I said that I wanted a natural birth, but wasn't really prepared for that. With Felicity, I educated myself more on the birthing experience, specifically about natural birth. I watched documentaries, talked with other people I knew that had natural births and read a lot.

Get an Advoate

A friend (who was a guy) highly recommended getting a Doula to me when I was pregnant with Liam, but I wrote it off. I didn't think it was necessary. I thought that if we went to all the childbirth classes we'd be okay. There wasn't anyone that lived nearby that I wanted in the labor room so it ended up being just Dylan and I. When it came down to things, my poor husband was in way over his head. He was supportive but not authoritative (not his fault, cause we had no idea what we were doing). When you are pushing a human out of you, you need a steady authoritative voice of reason. 

Here's where the doula comes in. We met with her a couple times before the birth and it was just nice to have someone on our team who had done this before. She has six kids of her own and has been to numerous births, so her wealth of knowledge is vast. When it came to the "days" of Felicity's birth, she came over and offered advice, laboring positions, and the encouragement to keep going. At the hospital she was a key player. She kept me going, encouraged Dylan, and helped me have the birth I wanted. She wasn't pushing her own agenda, she was helping me. 

I think its crucial when considering who you want on your team (midwife, doula, friend, family) to chose someone who is on your side. She didn't try to force me to have a natural birth, she just supported me. This is why she was so well received by the hospital staff. My doctor even asked for her contact info for future patients. She wasn't pushy or bossy, which is most Dr.'s experiences with doulas, she just spoke up for me when I couldn't and made sure that my requests were being met. Which leads me to my next point.

Know Your Rights

If you are planning on having your birth at a birthing center or at home, this doesn't apply, I think. At the hospital however, there are so many things that you need to know. I really can only talk about what I have experienced. With Liam, we just didn't know anything or feel confident to speak up about things. When we got there I was only 2-3 cm and they made me sit in the triage bed with all the monitors hooked up and I was miserable. I just sat there with back labor not able to get out of my bed. That's when I asked for the epidural :) When it came time to push, I pushed for like an hour and then finally his giant head popped out. I only found out later from Dylan that they gave me an episiotomy so his head could fit. No one asked or told me. 

With Felicity, I knew what to expect from the hospitals and what I had the right to refuse, change, or modify. And what we didn't know, our doula helped inform us. When I got to the hospital I was 6 cm, and made it very clear that I wanted to continue with a natural birth. I told the nurses and staff confidently that I did not want an epidural, I didn't want to be confined to my bed, and was going to bounce on my birthing ball in the meantime. They were like, "Oh, ok. Get it girl" (this is Miami after all). I was never questioned again about getting an epidural and they were really supportive of my natural birth. That wasn't the case last time. 

Even when it comes to their first shots and screening, you still have a say. Some things are worth fighting, some things aren't. It's up to you. All this to say that you can have a natural birth in a hospital if you know what to expect. 

Be Okay with Plan B (or C or D)

Many parents can get really caught up in a birth plan. They want things to go exactly according to the plan and if they don't, they are disappointed with their birthing experience. I know that after Liam's birth I felt like a wimp because I didn't do it naturally. I was like ashamed when I told Dylan that I thought I needed and epidural. And that's just stupid. The most important thing, to me anyway, is that the baby gets out. Whether that's naturally, with the assistance of drugs, or through C-section, we need to be okay with that. You also need to surround yourself with people that are on your side and don't pressure you to have it one way verse another. This is where the guilt comes in. Know what you want, but be okay with a different plan if its in the best interest of you and the baby.

My princess

Those are my thoughts on child birth so far. I would love to hear your thoughts or other advice you have for expecting parents.