Preparing for the Last "First"

It's hard to put into words the things that have been going around in my head as we near the one year mark of my father's passing. Everyday I think of what I was doing last year at this time and how different I thought our life was going to be. I thought we would be living in Salerno with our best friends, learning Italian, making friends with the locals, and gearing up for our parents to visit us. But that is not how the story went. 

All my mental energy has been focused on Halloween costumes and getting ready for Felicity's first birthday. Which has been both good and bad. I have had something to look forward to, but haven't made the time to grieve. I feel like it just snuck up on me and all of a sudden it's here. After Felicity's birthday there is only one more "first" to walk through. The end of the first year without my dad. This makes it so real to me. That THIS is going to be the new normal. It's so heartbreaking for life to go on without him and that soon it will be normal for him not to be here. I don't even want to know what that feels like. 

What I recently learned is this: God used the birth of my daughter to prepare me for what was to come. My labor with Felicity was long and the most physical pain I have ever felt. It literally felt like torture. My body was torturing me and there was nothing I could do about it. A couple days before the birth, I wrote in my journal that I was stressed about our finances and didn't think that I was going to be able to do this birth because I had reached the end of my rope. I felt defeated. But when the time came, God gave me the strength and the support from others to endure the pain and in the end a beautiful girl was born. I learned then that great pain can lead to great joy. Little did I know that the real test of my faith was going to be three days later. By His strength and the support of others, I have been able to walk through this pain and see that in the end, it will be beautiful. It's not now, but one day it will be.

Felicity was God's gracious reminder that pain can lead to joy. The pain of my father's death was, and is, still great, but because of God's grace, I can now joyfully and eagerly anticipate the redemption of all that is broken, and eternity spent with Him. 

Too busy to Blog

I've been a little absent from the blogging world lately mostly because I am too busy. Right now at the moment there is a toddler (who didn't nap) sitting next to me demanding that I do the "Iron Man hand" to him and a little girl (who is supposed to be napping) crying in the distance. This is my life. Who has time to blog? Friday I tried to write one email and it took literally one hour to finish it. Every thought is constantly interrupted. I've had way too many things going on to have time to do this. And the annoying thing is that I put pressure on myself for not blogging.

There are so many great bloggers out there and I wonder where they find the time to do this. Between the moving, cooking, cleaning, dirty diapers, nap schedules, time outs, and grocery shopping, there is no time for blogging. The only time I have for myself during the day is at night once the kids go to sleep but most nights I'm completely tired of thinking and just want to veg out.

I originally started blogging because I was a new mom, alone at home, with no one to talk to and share my thoughts. So maybe it's a good thing that I'm not blogging more frequently because it means that I actually have a life and friends to talk to. But I am still an internal processor and constantly have things running in my head so this is a good release for me.



And that's all the time I have for now...

Food Wars

Right now the most frustrating part of parenting is getting Liam to eat normal food. I am not writing as a mom that has any answers in this area, just the frustrations that I have and maybe you have too. Maybe if you've had success, you can share that. And by success I don't mean tell me that your child has always been a good water and here/s what you did (Felicity is that so far). I want to hear from those who have had picky eaters and how they turned it around. 

Liam hasn't always been a terrible eater. Up until his first birthday he would eat every thing. I never had any problems. Then he got a stomach bug and didn't want to eat for a couple of days. Them he got his first molars and refused some of his favorite foods. Since then, he hasn't worked his way back up to what he used to eat. 

I write this today because I tried to give him a piece of cheese and he lost his mind (resulted in a 30 minute time out). Besides a grilled cheese and a quesadilla, this boy hasn't had a piece of cheese in over a year. That's right, a year! He used to eat cheese everyday as a snack. In fact, that was one of his first words, "chees". Now, he won't even touch it. Here's a breakdown of his current eating habits:

Has never eaten - rice, mashed potatoes, broccoli, lettuce, ground meat

Used to eat, now won't - cheese, mac & cheese, pasta, peas, green beans, beans, tomatoes

Sometimes eats - chicken, lunch meat, eggs, oatmeal, meat, carrot 

Will always eat - fruit, pancakes, french toast, PB&J, pretzels, crackers, cookies, sweet potatoes, corn on the cob, yogurt

So you can see how challenging this is. Things are a lot better then six months ago, but we still have to pack a PB&J where ever we go just in case he won't eat what's there. How do we stop it? We've done the whole, "This is what's for dinner" thing, but we end up giving him something just so we don't have to wake up in the middle of the night with him cause he's hungry. 

Am I making a bigger deal of this than I need to? I just don't want a picky child. I remember picky children  growing up and I thought they were brats and their parents were push overs for letting them get away with it. But now on the other side, I sympathize with the parents cause sometimes you don't have the energy to fight it. And the way our life has been going lately has left me with very little energy to try. 

If you have any tips, share the wealth please.

The Long Awaited Birth Stories

I've been thinking of writing this post for some time, trying to figure out what to say. I actually already wrote Liam's birth story in detail but didn't publish it because I wanted to write Felicity's in the same post. After going back and forth, I decided not to share their full birth stories for a couple of reasons.

First, because I know the temptation for women to compare their stories with each other. I didn't read any when I was pregnant with Liam cause I didn't want to get freaked out, but I did read other stories when I was pregnant with Felicity. I found myself saying, "Please don't let mine be like hers" or "Please let it be just like hers". Guess what, I was disappointed when mine didn't go according to plan and envied everyone that had this perfect birth story. So for everyone's sake, I will share only what I think is beneficial.