I was thinking today about how awkward it is when people ask how things are going or how we are doing. "Good", "Okay", or "Alright" are my normal go-tos and that changes hour by hour. But I wondered if I would ever again answer that things are "Great".
Life after loss is like a dark cloud over your head. It's like my new neutral state is sad. And it's not that there isn't any happiness left in life. There will be moments of joy; when I laugh, smile, enjoy a movie, spend the day at the beach, go on a date, play with my kids, etc. But when the dust settles, it's back to sadness.
I'm not saying that this is a good thing, it's just how it is right now. When things stop moving, the loss is what my mind goes to. Even moments of happiness are quickly dimmed when I think about my father not being there to share in the moment. I wonder if it will always feel this way. If I will always feel this overarching gloom about life.
Oh, that I would find joy in the hope of my salvation and not in my circumstances.
