Dreaming of You

I am a pretty frequent dreamer. When I was younger, I used to write down all my dreams in a journal because I didn't want to forget them. They seemed so vivid and real. As I've gotten older they still are that way, just now a mix of good and bad dreams.

Since my father's passing, I have dreamt about him a lot. Each dream has been different. Sometimes it's a continuation of life, sometimes it's in the past, and sometimes it's this alternate reality where I know he already passed but somehow he's still here. Last night was one of the latter.

It was sometime within this first year of his passing and he came back. We all knew that he was gone and were really confused with his presence. He told us that once a year he would come back and be with us for a day but then he would be gone again. So we made the most of the day, filling him in on what had been happening since he left. When the day came to an end, I went and gathered my brothers and mother so they could say goodbye. His body started to fade like a ghost and I remember feeling so sad that he had to leave, begging him to stay. Then he was gone. The next day I sat down with my mom and her friend reminiscing about the day and they had no idea what I was talking about. They assured me that I had dreamt it all. I tried recounting the day with stories and pictures, but they kept saying "no". With every "no" I sobbed harder and harder as I continued to convince them that it happened. I couldn't have made all this up. He was really here. But apparently he wasn't.

Then I really woke up. This isn't the first inception dream I've had (a dream within a dream), but this definitely was the most emotional. While I was dreaming I felt both the joy and pain of realizing that it was real. I've had mixed emotions about dreaming of my dad. On one hand it is nice to have a place where we both exist together, but on the other hand it sucks to wake up and realize that it's not in this life. There's joy in seeing his face but pain knowing that it's not real.

Until we meet again...

Maple Oatmeal Dump Cookies

* Edited 1/30/12: I made these cookies again and modified it a bit. All the modifications are in RED. They came out more moist and crumbly then the first batch. So the choice is up to you.

I totally just made up that name for these cookies and it doesn't sound too appealing. Well you know that cake, "Dump Cake", where you just toss whatever canned fruits you have in it? Well this is kind of the same idea. I was trying to come up with a healthy treat for Dylan and I and mashed up a couple of recipes to get this. I think they were pretty good for my first time making oatmeal cookies and I had to restrain myself from adding chocolate chips because I usually add chocolate chips into everything I bake. I'm sure I will make some adjustments over time to make them a little healthier like adding grated zucchini or flax seed or protein powder. This go around I just used whatever I had. Hope you try it.

Maple Oatmeal "Dump" Cookies
Yields: 24 cookies

1/2 cup butter, softened (1 stick)
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 cup real maple syrup
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon (pumpkin pie spice)
1 3/4 cup all-purpose flour (1 cup all-purpose flour, 3/4 cup of whole wheat flour)
2 cups old fashioned rolled oats
*1-2 cups of treats
1 cup dried cranberries
1 cup grated carrots
1 cup grated zucchini
1/2 cup sliced almonds
1/2 cup ground flax seed
1/2 cup crushed pistachios


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Beat butter and brown sugar until creamy. Add egg, vanilla, and syrup until well blended.
3. Sift flour, baking soda, salt cinnamon. Gradually add flour mixture until completely blended.
4. Stir in rolled oats and whatever treats you have. I had a bag of trail mix laying around that included dried cranberries, golden raisins, almonds and sunflower seeds.
5. Make cookies and bake for 8-10 minutes.